Unity and Love in Diversity: South African Edition

A lot of my music is driven by what I've seen society do to inter-racial and inter-religious relationships. Even though we are now in 2021, these relationships are, unfortunately, not always met with happiness or acceptance from family members, friends, and society. Sometimes the challenges due to supposed "differences" cause so much conflict that their love is forcibly broken. Seeing this breaks my heart every time. 

There are some happy stories, though, and I recently stumbled on one of them. I asked if I could write and share their inspirational and loving story about unity, and I was thrilled that they agreed. Sandipa and Bjorn are an interracial couple who live in South Africa. I was so inspired by their strong love for each other to overcome the challenges of their cultural differences. They've been married for 7 years and are very happy. 

South Africa has a very diverse population. They have 11 official languages and a long history of colonization, immigration, refugees, and foreign laborers. South Africa in 2021 is an exciting place racially and culturally. 

Sandipa is of Indian descent and grew up in a traditional Indian household. Bjorn is of German and Portuguese descent and has links to Dutch culture, like many white South Africans. South Africa initiated a form of segregation called "apartheid," which separated the races - how and where they lived, who they were allowed to love, and how they saw each other. It was a tragic system that affected who people were deep inside. So when it was abolished in the early 1990’s, people had to change their hearts, which is easier said than done. And for a long time after 1990, interracial couples were almost taboo and actively discouraged. 

Shared faith brought them together, but they admit that their relationship isn't regarded as "normal," even today. Their shared belief system instilled in them love, curiosity, and acceptance of other races. They often mentioned how they are merely interested in the person inside, not the superficial outside. 

I have seen far too much trouble being caused for interracial couples, so I asked them what their experience had been. 

They looked at each other, thinking and giggling before Sandipa said, "You know, as far as race and culture goes, we hardly experienced anything that was super challenging. I think we just saw each other as very interesting humans. Race didn't come into it." 

Ok, but what about challenges from outside the relationship? They both struggled to answer again. Eventually, Sandipa said something interesting. She said, "when we go out together, holding hands or whatever, we still get funny looks from people, especially from other Indians, especially women. It's like they are jealous of me for marrying a white man, or maybe they think I feel superior because I married a white man. The worst is probably the cases where, if I dress up for a special night out, people tend to think I am a gold digger, looking for a white man because he has money." Bjorn replies, "Joke's on them. I am as broke as anyone else!" and they both burst out laughing. The two of them lovingly tease each other about the differences in pronunciation of certain words between their cultures…

Bjorn said something that really resonated with me. "I didn't want to follow the norm and stick with what I know or am familiar with – I needed something different, interesting, exciting. A melting pot in terms of culture."

The biggest challenge surprised me: Their preference for ambient room temperature - He's from Europe and is used to colder weather. She, being of Indian descent, is always cold. Practically, they are at odds with each other all the time, even struggling to sleep in the same room. He can't handle the heat at all. But Sandipa thrives in it. The fact that this is their biggest challenge gave me hope. This is something so small. 

Sandipa has pulled through the Indian tendency to "feed" in her marriage. It brings her great pleasure and "glee" to see him happy and eating - even though she would never eat the same rich food herself because she is a bit of a health nut. They argue a bit about Indians being very food-centric, and who's fault it is that he's gained a few in lockdown. More laughing...

He's picked up a few Hindi slang words and uses them liberally, which is funny to hear. Clearly, he sounds quite proud of himself for expanding his vocabulary - another benefit, he says. 

Bjorn and Sandipa live on the same property as her traditional Indian parents. So he has literally been thrown into the deep end of an entirely different culture. But he embraced it - because the differences were interesting, intriguing, and he was curious. He did something that wasn't viewed as usual and found the love of his life. 

Sandipa says that marrying outside her own race was "the best thing ever." She loves how she's learned so much from him - Bjorn is more outdoorsy and adventurous. She loves how much she's learned about nature and conservation, which was not really focused on her own culture. She says that she was raised to be "in a box" and that being with him taught her how to live outside of it. 

There truly is no box. It is just an illusion we created in our minds that keeps us in a mental prison. The sooner we get rid of cultural boxes and their limits, the sooner we can grow and find happiness. Sandipa and Bjorn are proof of this. 

I believe that love can transcend the barriers that society places on us. There is only warmth, love, acceptance, and humor in this couple. They embrace the differences in each other. They don't allow it to separate them. They embrace and thrive on the differences. Their individual uniqueness complements the other. 

These two made it work in a previously broken society. I have always believed that mixed couples, marriages, and children help elevate and expedite unity. I truly hope that one day everyone can adopt a unity mindset, such as theirs, to help us all move toward a more united future and the planet.