Being Your True Aspie/ Autie Self is a Catch-22 Situation

Being your true self as someone with Aspergers as myself is a catch-22 situation.

Most neurotypicals prefer us autistics to mask ourselves and act like neurotypicals too. They feel comfortable this way because we do not appear weird or awkward to them and we, in turn, feel “good” because we “feel” accepted and some sense of belonging. This is, however, all fake.

When we show our true selves, which can seem weird, and awkward to neurotypicals. We find ourselves excluded, ignored, bullied, and often ostracized. This is very detrimental to us Aspies/ Auties. Why? We feel hurt and excluded when this happens, not to mention, very confused. Should I be myself? Should I mask?

It is very confusing for us because although we feel comfortable and happy to act as ourselves, we are not usually accepted when we do. And when we mask, people like us and are happy to have us around.

Masking has very negative impacts on our mental health and self-esteem. It eats away inside of us every time we mask - every second that goes by.

So what should we do?

Everybody’s situation is unique. However, this is my own personal solution and humble opinion:

·       Surround yourself with people who fully accept you as you are. So that you can be your full Aspie/ Autie self and not mask.

·       Remove yourself from people who do not accept you as you are, and from situations where you cannot be your true self.

·       There are certain situations where you may not be able to do this or where it is unsafe for you, for example, at work or a public event. If this is the case, let your colleagues and employers know about certain sensitivities and adjustments/needs you may have without disclosing that you are autistic. E.g. “Could I move to a quieter cubicle? I need to really focus on my work and find it distracting when people are talking around me”. Or, “Can I work from home 3 times a week? I find that I am able to be more productive with work that way and can get a lot more work done without wasting time with travel and distractions. I will show you my progress report so you can see the difference.” And then, start to find work environments and jobs that suit your Aspie/ Autie needs and talents better. More solitary jobs, jobs where you can work alone or from home, jobs where you do not need to communicate neurotypically, mingle, or engage in small talk to simply survive the work environment.

Be weird, be you.